How You Say Things Matters
By Jacklyn | July 20, 2008
A former colleague used to feel irritated whenever her supervisor went up to her with an assignment, saying: “I want you to do this for me.”
I raised her hackles because she herself always approached others politely, with a “please”, “could you” or “would you”. Someone marching up to her with an “I want” order, made worse by the “for me” tack-on, did not sit well with her, even if she reported to that person.
Indeed, how we say something is often much more important than what we say. In my ex-colleague’s case, her supervisor’s favourite demand left her feeling as if she had to drop everything else to see to each new task, and wondering why she was being spoken to like an indentured servant.
Is your approach high-handed?
When we tell our co-workers “Do this” and “Do that”, the message we communicate is that we think they are so free, and their other jobs so unimportant, that we needn’t bother with the courtesy of asking if we may trouble them to do more, or to ask if they can cope with another task on their plates.
Ultimately, the job must be given, but the process of giving it can be made more pleasant by taking a polite approach, never assuming that she can do it, and being open to reshuffling duties a little to free up some space on her schedule for the new task.
Only for very routine assignments when staff regularly come in expecting to be given work for the day, can you afford to say more plainly:”Okay, A does this hob, B takes this one, and C will do this other thing.”
Are you downplaying others’ responsibilities?
Possibly worse than giving orders is downplaying the difficulty of a colleague’s job. “But it’s only one little change”, “Why can’t you just…” and “It’s not that hard to do, right?” are among the lines we thoughtlessly drop when asking someone to take on something new, or amend what they’ve already done.
As one designer memorably (and bitterly) quipped to co-workers who were asking for “just one little” alteration to a graphic: “Of course it’s easy to do it because you’re only using your mouth.”
Something that looks simple to you may involve a fair deal of trouble for the person executing it. Even if it is easy-peasy, your colleague could have completed that job and moved on to something else. Making “just one little change” can throw off his schedule and flow of thought.
Avoid words like “only”, “just”, and “All I’m asking…” Instead, acknowledge that they are busy, and apologise if you are interrupting another bit of work. It doesn’t change the fact that you are asking them to do more, but it does help that they know that you know it isn’t necessarily easy.
Watch your words
In sum, always ask nicely; never be presumptuous. Don’t order people about unless you’re a military commander, in which case you would be a fool to try to tack like: “Very sorry to trouble you, man, but would you mind terribly if you took a shot at the target now, before it shoots us first?”
Don’t downplay others’ jobs. It creates resentment as they will assume that you ask them to do things because you think they have a lot of spare time on their hands.
Article in courtesy of Adele Ong
Topics: Leadership, NLP, Personal Development | No Comments »
‘Plan your day & Work your plan’ by Jack Canfield
By Jacklyn | July 16, 2008
Plan your day the night before to initiate what you want to do the next day instead of busy responding. When you plan the day before, your unconscious mind can go to work for you.
Are you aware that our eyes, ears and other senses are also active during night time when we sleep? So do our unconscious mind!
Topics: Healthy Lifestyle, Law of Attraction, NLP, Personal Development, Time Management, Video | No Comments »
Making Time For The Important
By Jacklyn | July 3, 2008
By Steve Pavlina.
Too often our important-but-not-urgent tasks get put on the back burner… and never make it to the front burner. When you get busy with urgent tasks, you may feel pressured to finish those first before you can justify doing anything less urgent. But then when you finally catch a break, you may decide you need some downtime to rest and regenerate, so those not-urgent-and-not-important tasks fill in the time before the next outbreak of urgency. This pattern can continue for years with the important tasks always seeming just a few days away, but somehow they never reach the action phase.
These important tasks include things like setting goals, planning your future, finding a new relationship, learning new skills, improving your diet, beginning a new exercise program, starting a home-based business, or breaking an addiction. In the short-term they may not produce much benefit, but you can bet they’ll make a huge difference in the long run. Read the rest of this entry »
Topics: Goals Setting, Personal Development, Time Management | 2 Comments »
How to Achieve Your Goals with Healthy Habits
By Jacklyn | June 16, 2008
By Leo Babauta.
We’ve all faced the disappointment and guilt that comes from setting a goal and giving up on it after a couple of weeks. Sustaining motivation for a long-term goal is hard to achieve, and yet the best goals can usually only be accomplished in a few months or even years.
Here’s the solution: Focus instead on creating a new habit that will lead to achieving your goal.
Want to run a marathon? First create the habit of running every day. Want to get out of debt and start saving? Create the habit of brown bagging it to work, or watching DVDs instead of going to the movies, or whatever change will lead to saving money for you.
By focusing not on what you have to achieve over the course of the next year, but instead on what you are doing each day, you are focusing on something achievable. That little daily change will add up to a huge change, over time … and you’ll be surprised at how far you’ve come in no time. Little grains of sand can add up to a mountain over time. Read the rest of this entry »
Topics: Motivation, Personal Development, Positive Attitude | 7 Comments »
Who I Am Makes A Difference
By Jacklyn | May 28, 2008
An inspiring story that leaves a legacy..
Topics: Affirmations, Gratitude, Inspiration, Video | 5 Comments »
Our Deepest Fear by Maryanne Williamson
By Jacklyn | May 26, 2008
From the book “A Return to Love”
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s all of us.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Topics: Inspiration, Personal Development, Quotes, Video | No Comments »
Eagle Parable James Aggrey
By Jacklyn | May 25, 2008
Once a man found a young eagle in a forest and took it home and put it in his barnyard. The eagle ate the chicken feed and behaved just as chickens do. One day a naturalist friend noticed it and asked the owner why the eagle, king of all birds, confined with the chickens, “Since I have given chicken feed and trained it to be a chicken, it has never learned to fly,” answered the man. “Still,” insisted the naturalist, “it has heart of an eagle and certainly it can be taught to fly.”
The two agreed to find out whether it was possible. The naturalist took the eagle and said
“You belong to the sky and not the earth. Stretch forth your wings and fly”. The eagle was confused and refused to make an attempt. The second day the naturalist took the eagle to the roof and urged the eagle again. But the eagle was afraid and jumped down for the chicken feed. On the third day the naturalist took it to the top of a mountain. He held the eagle high above him and said. “You are an eagle. You belong to the sky as well as the earth. Stretch forth your wings and fly.”
The eagle slowly looked around, up to the sky and down to the barnyard. The naturalist lifted him further up, and the eagle started trembling, slowly he stretched his wings and with a triumphant cry, he soared away into the heavens.
… from A Return To Love, Marianne Williamson so eloquently states: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness that most frightens us.” We are all eagles. Once we have flown, we can never go back to live like a chicken. It is not a delusion to think we can fly; it is a delusion to think we can’t. Manage your fear of greatness and then … stretch forth your wings and fly toward the dreams that are awaiting you.
Topics: Inspiration, Motivation, Personal Development, Video | No Comments »
